I’m dating. I have been dating for years now. You wouldn’t know it because I know better then to slog my personal life all throughout social media. I save those details for my people. Like it was designed to be. If you flow back through my Facebook you won’t see; slander, anger or pain over my divorce. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find any evidence of my divorce with exception of his face disappearing from family photos. If anything, the only thing you’ll see is verbal fidelity. Me uplifting him and his character for the world to see until the day we were apart.
I then had 2 serious monogamous relationships for about 6 months managing not to post a million photos and tagging my loves just to demand the world’s acknowledgment. When we broke up, because of my choice to move, we stayed friends. No one would know any of this except my close circle. Now that I’m dating again you won’t find it plastered all over social media and you won’t know when I’ve chosen someone until I am all in. Why? Because everyone has an opinion. Everyone has “guidance” to offer and what works for me does not work for everyone.
I was “raised” in the trenches of war with a slew of 17 year old boys being forced to be men and that is where my idea of love and dating really came from. It’s laughable really. We love and are loyal with an unmatchable fierceness once we choose someone but until that point we are happy to live our definitively short lives to their absolute fullest with whoever brings us the most rise. I don’t need monogamy unless we’ve decided to choose each other. Hands down. No looking back. All in. Until then I’m good with open ended dating. That doesn’t mean I’m not in search of that ride-or-die. It only means I’m good enjoying and living into life until I find that person.
*Hear me clearly here, this does not mean I go around sharing my body with people willy nilly. That too is reserved for when I’m all in on someone. *
It does mean that I can coexist with more than one incredible person that brings me joy until I can find just one to compliment, highlight and accentuate the better parts of me. Someone who is capable of pairing with my darker and less attractive parts and excentuating them with a beauty that I don’t possess in those departments.
I hate the perpetuated myths of love that we hide behind. We confuse ourselves into believing that were doing “it” wrong because we can’t manufacturer this fairytale existence that’s been drawn out on paper for us. When in all actuality we can’t even begin to wrap our heads around the bare root of love. Love for ourselves before others, or even a genuine love for others once we feel it, has become increasingly hard to enjoy or express.
I believe there are different types of love. I think every type of love is all too often confused with lust and infatuation. First, let’s look at love’s base. Love is designed to be effortless. Love should come to us with ease and grace as something that is unconditional and selfless. That being said genuine love should be selfishly altruistic. Yes, I see how you believe that’s a contradicting statement. But do you not receive the utmost superior delight from your core when you see the person you love encompassed in gladness, gratitude or pleasure? Love should start within ourselves, demanding the ability to truly and earnestly care for and choose the best in all situations for self before others.
I’ve spent years trying to convince people in my life of they’re worth. Constantly reaffirming their strengths and lovability. Sometimes I’m successful sometimes I’m not. But it’s always surprising to me how effortlessly I can love someone when they’re fighting against loving themselves with such ferocity. Loving people has never once in my life been a tasker. If anything the act of love and giving is revitalizing to me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can usually palpate the tension of a taker trying to accept my love. I can often witness their physical anguish as they try and decipher why I would genuinely revel in caring for someone in its cumulative. I enevitably end up having to scale a, very real, wall of pain and history for that person to allow me in far enough to accept my actual and complete love. They are always questioning my motives and intentions. Why would I want to choose them? Why would I see fit to elevate them? Why would I seek to devote so much time and so many resources to them?
It never ceases to amaze me when I have my epiphany moment of, “I love this person.” I can’t imagine losing them on my forever path. I would thoughtlessly throw myself on the literal or metaphorical grenade aimed at them without hesitation. That inevitable moment that they’re talking to me and make me laugh in my soul. That moment that the appreciation of their existence is so intense it’s all I can do to hold myself down and not swoop them up in an infamous “Ariel hug,” to act into that love.
Love is so often described by people as an emotion. I firmly disagree. Love is an action. No question about it for me. When you love someone you can’t help but live into it. You want to spoil them; tangibly, emotionally, physically and in every way imaginable.
I love everyone in my life on some level. If love were a parking garage I could park my entire entourage according to how devoted we were to each other and how capable of living into it our actions proved us to be.
And then there’s the myth of being in love. Is this a chemical response that we manipulate to fit a social norm? Not all love can be the same for everyone. For me, it’s about a commonality and duality. An ease of honesty and communication. A joy and laughter that is exemplary and unavoidable. When I think of love I’m not searching for a house to be my “home” rather I’m searching for my partnership of mutual enhancement in any facet and every time, regardless of our location.
My folks have been married forty some-odd years. They’ve been together since they were 13. They are the only sexual partners they’ve ever experienced. They are rooted. Grounded. It works for them. I always thought I was striving for that to live into love. But that suit doesn’t fit me. At all. I’m fluid. I thrive when I float on the; wind, water or whatever will carry me to my next calling. Rooted is not my design, at least not at this stage. Will that change eventually? Who knows. But I believe that it won’t matter. WHEN I find my dichotomy it won’t matter my location.
Bottom line: I love everyone; effortlessly, easily and unconditionally and I’ll hold out this round until I meet someone who has that same gift to enhance and compliment the awesome that I bring to the table. Until that time I’m in no rush. I am in love with this life I’m living. I’ll soak in every second, every trip and every adventure and I intend to do so with whoever brings me the most rise.
*As always I look forward to interacting with you and hearing your thoughts. Please follow for future blog updates and leave a comment below, especially if you’re one of those people that I’ve encouraged into accepting love.